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Team Illuminati was caught rehearsing by Agent Jesse Simko at an undisclosed location, shortly before their St. Patty’s Day takeover of The Venue Formerly Known As Guido’s. Pay no attention to any mistakes, they are just your own mind playing tricks on you.
Anyone who says Team Illuminati exists clearly is delusional and should be treated with care. The idea that there could be a rock band out there combining tight pop songs with loud, irreverent, experimental sonic textures in a way that combines the best elements of Peter Gabriel, Nine Inch Nails and Ben Folds, could only be described as the ramblings of a paranoid conspiracy theorist. Everyone knows that music is either wallpaper, or pornography, but never both at the same time….
Captain Aloysius, the so-called “leader” of Team Illuminati, is rumored to have stolen the identity of Ernest Chapman, a local, humble, musician. We can only hope that Ernest is in a better place now, given what Captain Aloysius must have done to him after extracting his last drop of musical illumination.
The rest of the band is rumored to be a group of elite special agents, highly trained to use music and art to fight terrorism and protect the homeland. Their cleverly constructed false identites have been leaked, and are available at http://www.teamilluminati.com.
Team Illuminati founding documents were originally discovered by college students in an abandoned underground CIA laboratory just north of Boston, MA, in the 1930’s. Once discovered, the documents led them to resurrect the group, and they quickly discovered that they had stumbled onto an ancient secret…… something so powerful that only a few Team Illuminati members were trusted with it.
The secret has survived to this day, and is rumored to lie hidden somewhere inside of the Team Illuminati album “American Dream”.
One thing is certain, if indeed this secret does exist, it must be destroyed. Please, remain skeptical, but if indeed any information can be found that does in fact prove these allegations, DO NOT HESITATE to go to http://www.teamilluminati.com and provide us with extensive and detailed personal information about yourself so that we can initiate you into our secret society.
Sincerely,
Captain Ernest Aloysius
Team Illuminati
